| Wednesday, September 21, 2005 Â Â Â Â Â |
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yes i decided.. i tendering soon in few more mins.. i am angry, confused n lost. not angry but unhappy.. i din mean tat i nid to be with u all d time.. u said u wld accompany me. u had plans but u din bother to tell me... u expect me to take wat u planned for.. u can get angry wif me for changing plans but wat abt u? tmr is a special day.. i tot even if we can't spend d day togetheer i would gt to c u the first moment of this special day.. nvm.. helping ur frens is more impt.. 4get it.. i m nt feeling gd.. does anyone knowS? |
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i can't take it anymore.. call me lousy i dun care... at the first place this ain't the place i wanna be at.. decided to give it a try anyway and was jus so determined to drag myself to work diligently everyday.. beating away all the blues.. trying to keep up with the working momentum and ya.. learn new things.. but life is not a bed of roses.. first day of work: gt introduced to many colleagues, mainly the ang-mohs.. whom i dun really understand their accent BIG time.. and the other population the chinese. my own boss dun even know my exact job scope.. there is no STANDARD system as in handling this newly created position by them. NUTHING.. limited or probably incomplete stationaries... o ya and no log in details.. no one taught me hw the phone system works, NO phone directory till 2 days ago.. GOSH can u imagine? I started work 2 BLOODY weeks ago.. n till yesterday den they gt my surname correct and change the email address. i spend the last 2 weeks sitting in a horribly cold office.. wearing 2 sweaters everyday.. wif both doors closed, alone, and doing only plain admin work. no learnings.. or prob i did.. i noe i sound very sarcastic right now at this point. but if i dun pour this out now i am gonna cry AGAIN.. f*** man! o ya... back to learnings, i learn how to do PO and RFQ based on their way on inputing the information into the plain excel sheet and generate GRN wen goods received. Create files for filing and ya.. gt ppl teach me how to open folders. den again.. i duno how they get their msgs through wen they dun gif clear instructions.. jus like yesterday and today.. and they just simply blasted at ppl. Yesterday he came in 2 days ago asking me to give him my email address.. din really gt wat he meant so i went to my colleague for help. she passed to him on a piece of paper my email address. Yesterday he told me that he have not received any email from me. *wth... my colleague told me tat she given it to him together with the updated phone directory so i do not need to send it to me anymore. fine.. so i send him an email.. he replied with a note and a hyperlink asking me to update my details on a network contact system and i did.. n i informed him abt change with a rtn mail.. but wait look at this.. it is displayed that the change will be updated on his address book automatically. seems like he dun understand.. or am i dumb? he came in blasted at me says he is not impressed abt me.. blah blah.. ask me y i gt radio on.. n y am i nt busy wen i jus returned from the front desk jus finish learning about manifests. if they need sumone impressive den prob this person wun b a asst.. be a director den.. dey r paying peanuts. for d stupid location.. n lousy way of teaching.. damn it.. . i tried nt to take it personally but i jus can't help it.. i dun tink i am at fault.. prob my sitting posture n the radio.. but the others who r like tt too.. biased.. den my direct came in just after he left.. re-emphasized on those words again.. even tell me tat this jon requires interest, ask me if i have the interest. I told him exactly this.. i was not even properly guided.. u were busy n things were not properly explained.. i am also trying my best. BUT that's it.. d moment he ask me.. Today came in slightly late.. was thinking if i should just come to work.. nvm.. decided to give it a go and see.. if it is ok den prob ya.. i will give it a chance.. but things i guess will never be.. and i tink i am more or less decided tat i will leave. dun understand y did i drag myself to work today wen i really dun feel like it.. this place is horrible. it is so inconvenient and inaccessible.. with lousy food canteen. n i haf for work on weekends for tat meagre amount of pay... honestly i dun mind lower pay if i enjoyed the work. wanted to heed his mum's advice and try for a week more.. haha.. even considered to join his parents at work. but now.. i tink i will heed wat my mum says. I mean at the first place i told my mum i wana quit and she says ok.. she dun wan me to be unhappy. further to wat i told her abt the above.. i agree wif her lo.. no point staying liao.. amazing.. was just telling baby abt the hosility from my boss on mon... guess it is a hint of this series of events.. baby is asleep now.. though i wished he's by my side.. but i tink i shd nt bother him now.. he made me pizzas last nite.. bought ice-cream to cheer me up.. he accompanied me thru-out the nite.. watched me slp.. patted my head while i drifted to dreamland i noe.. pulled me out of bed tis morning.. i miss mum.. dad is nice too.. drove me to work cuz i was late.. everything is like all well n ok i hope.. sumone enlighten me.. jus realised tat my family, baby and frens jus cheered me up..i jus nid to tink of them.. sky is dark.. thunderstorm coming.. it represents my gloomy day.. |
| Monday, September 19, 2005 Â Â Â Â Â |
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mum went overseas.. i miss her oredi.. i am confused.. ma said tat pa is realli very sick, he dun look good.. hands got no strength. sumhw it strike me tat tym is running out for me n my dad.. i may always complain abt him or even show tat i dun love him or anything... but it is nv like tat. yes i dun lyk the things tat he does.. but he is also a good father to me. we dun talk but dun mean we both dun care. we quarrel but dun mean we hate each other.. i pray that sumone will realli wake him up and ask him to go c doc.. i wan my dad back... d one whu smiles n jokes once in a while. noone will ever understand where he stands in my heart.. i m sorry.. i know i heard him many times with my words.. i jus dun wana lose him!!! scared.. *tears rolling. going back to work nw.. |
| Friday, September 16, 2005 Â Â Â Â Â |
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hmmm.. blogged d other day but it seems that it went missing. nvm forget it.. can't b bothered to post it.. over liao so post oso not point.. well... ya it hadn't bin easy for u... it ain't easy for me either.. but i am prepared to go thru tat wif u... wat abt u? shall we embark on this journey together? it is a very sweet post.. it definitely shocked me but it bring silly smiles.. warming my heart again n again.. going JB with my family for dinner b4 my mum flies off for work overseas nex week... i am gona miss her man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Looking forward to dinner.. quick.. time pls fly so i can c my loved ones soon!!! gt 1 hr n 45 mins more to go.. pissed off with my bro.. got bad day den jus vent it on me.. wth.. i am nt the victim of ya bad day bro... work's bin boring.. actualli nuthin much to do.. prob becuz i am new den a lot of things i still duno and my superior oso gt no tym to teach me so i do admin stuff lo.. hope i will start learning other things too.. sianz.. tmr gtg work.. duno y lately d more i slp d more tired i am... esp at work.. bin trying to not doze off... bin also quite tempted to take mc.. bt i noe i betta dun start cuz IT will start.. i am determined to discipline myself for i gt no one to blame but myself for the slow progress tat i have in my career path.. no worries.. i will be working real hard to catch up.. my heels gona spoil anytym.. went to look for one but din even manage to get any.. bags oso.. clothes oso.. wa lau... but gt him to accompany me.. it makes everything so much betta.. he nv fail to make my day beta... dun doubt urself babe!! gona shop for the above real soon.. o ya.. best buy of last nite was from him.. a book abt men and women.. haha.. guess i shd start to understand more about these 2 kinds of creatures.. hmmm.. restless. *wish for tym to fly! |
| Monday, September 12, 2005 Â Â Â Â Â |
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jus realised hw negative and destructive i have turned my mindset too. i would realli say thanks to d person who advised me and taught me how to deal better with my situation rite now... i feel a load off my mind at this moment. of cuz in rtn... for the consultation fees... it costs... hahah... A BOMB!!! no la.. quite reasonable... he also once again reminded me that no one is perfect... true.. no one is... not even me!!! i m sori.. i knew i irritated u so much today. i am not perfect.. i am also learning.. i din mean to.. if u r angry i am realli sorry.. as 4 d rest.. i am sorry too... i will do my best again!!! tym realli passed very slowly tosay.. jus can't wait to get off work... gona mit the gals for dinner.. steamboat!!!!!!! yummy yummy yummy.. bin longing for it for duno how long already... he said he would pick me up after tat.. hope he really will... gtg do database after that too... tired... |
| Friday, September 09, 2005 Â Â Â Â Â |
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he is still away.. very sweet of him.. prob caring i mean. gt harrassed by sum idiotic ppl.. my no seems to be passed around. din slp the whole bloody nite cuz ppl keep calling. very irritated by those childish idiots.. he called n comforted me. d calls are a bomb... 2 mins or less cost 6 bucks... oops.. and his card is on low value now.. duno if he will still call and sms me the nex few days... i reali hope time flies.. fly faster.. din realise that i needed him that badly.. or sumhow depended on him. nw i noe.. and i started to tink if one day he wun b dere for me anymore.. i am scared. much as it seems i can prob get over it and move on in life.. but tis journey i decided to embarked with him takes me a lot of courage to start all over again. pls.. u promised u wun leave anymore.. pls dun ok? i noe u wun be here to read rite now.. but i noe u will read tis sooner or later.. i hope u noe that all that i put in is true.. n reali hope it will work for us... let's face anything together!!! c ya on sun!!! i am sorry.. i know i shdn't b lyk tat... but prob that is also out of missing u. |
| Thursday, September 08, 2005 Â Â Â Â Â |
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one and half hours more to 530 and i will get to go home.. i got a big office space but i am lonely.. maybe cuz he is always on my mind. wish i can just sleep so that time will fly faster and sun will cum.. i am tired... i misses him a lot... i am falling asleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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I miss u... u know who u r!!! i will be looking forward to see u few days later wen u r back. deep down it is the same old thing that i wish for.. pls take good care of yourself. hugs hugs hugs... sori ppl.. it is meant for sumone but he wun b able to read till he is back and i can't tell him till he is back. i will be missing you badly!!! anyway peeps, i got a job! hope i will last out in this. |
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