lydia's world...

Tuesday, March 30, 2004 Â Â Â Â Â

hey all.. din feel any betta since my last relapse on my throat n cough.. it's back n noe wat? my nose is bleeding.. so sian... today handed up another individual work den went dinner wif d usual gang.. so happy tat lynn joined us. realli had a wonderful time great time laughing n shopping around. will miss all tis times.

bin over spending... den wana join 'em go Thailand... nw pending for funds approval frm my greatest mum.. feel very touched n i cried sumhow though. though nt confirmed but at least i tink my mum made a effort to tink thru.. not as if she sponsoring bt at least she loan. i luv ya mummy!!!

den tok to my mum about future plans.. stress built in. hmmm.. bro's a disappointment, dad nt working. expenses realli high plus all the instalments and stuff... hmmm i realli duno wat to do. maybe i shud jus wrk first.. noe my mum will wan to study but it hurts to see her say she go find another parttime job. feel kinda useless.. she already very tired, physically n mentally. dun wan her to work so much.... supporting a family on her own is tough. wat to do... all becuz of living.. becuz of me my bro n my dad.. all in all tis family.

tink about it.. i tink i am not too bad n i am nt on one man island.. dere can people whu may not enjoy wat i have. looking on the bright side i'm one lucky ger... but yet money is such a inevitable issue. so i feel ppl out dere.. no doubt every family gt it's own problems alwiz noe tt u r luckier den at least a few ppl in d world. no matter wat deep in ur heart u noe tat family ties can't b cut off easily u noe dey will b dere for u no matter wat.

went k-box wif angie n pearl on sat after celebrating lynn's birthday. very ex wor.. but enjoyed. hmm.. long time since i last sang at k box. missed it sumhow..

saw my babysitter's new born grandson, he's so cute... wow... babies realli make ppl smi)e :)
saw the luv in my babysitter's eyes.. it's so heartwarming n d grandmotherly luv.. i had it too. she luv me like her granddaughter n we not blood related. i luv her realli.. if nt for her i wun b wat i am partly. her luv n care n everything makes me feel tt i am loved at least. was closer to her den my own grandparents. when i look at her, she looks like she aged a lot... can c her loneliness nw all we all grown n no one was wif her most of d times. if i could ever say tis to her one day, i wana say i luv her too!!!

i feel so hmmmm... emotional?? tears welling up again. touhed by a lot of things n ppl but angry n sad over sum stuff too. life stressful as usual but i will all will b in d pink of health... late liao n i'm sleepy. gona ZZZZ soon!!! ciaoz.... nitex all ;)

- posted by lydia @ Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Thursday, March 25, 2004 Â Â Â Â Â

i cried again.. jus onli. not onli feel stressed.. realli can't take it animore.

jus dun feel like doing anithing now.. feel like be alone in a place where no one can find me

- posted by lydia @ Thursday, March 25, 2004

Wednesday, March 24, 2004 Â Â Â Â Â

hey hey... in school now!!!! waiting for sum quiz to be post up!!! hopefully can't load on d server den no nid take test. bin realli tired man.. so many datelines and guess wat??? today i got basic theory test as well... loads on info in my head.. i guess i nid loads of luck today. wear orange skirt todae.. so bright...... hee bt i tink i realli din regret buying it though i hesitated to wear it :p

i took BUS to school tis morning.. one of the FEW days that i take bus to school. summore early class leh.. 9 am class but d class actualli start at 10 lo. tt's not the onli tt lo. imagine i stay in Tampines & i take more trhan half hour to cum to school in a bus. how frustrated can u gt man.. wif the opacked bus and bus moving super slowly. luckily i gt a seat on bus.. haha.. was reading thru wat i din finish for ebiz quiz last nite cuz i read thru my basic theory cuz i CAN'T afford to fail if not my darlin will LAUGh his head off... not just him i tink.. LotSa ppl will :(

k la... still slacking in d lab........ so tired.

butterflies in my tummy

- posted by lydia @ Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Saturday, March 20, 2004 Â Â Â Â Â

duno y.. feelin a bit happy n jumpy.. pretty restless at 2 am... haha.. hw? later duno can slp a not.. feelin a bit excitec but duno abt wat. well.. anyway i gona go black tm. gona slp late again n i haven finish my work due on mon.... how??? die la... gona look like panda lo already gt outbreak liao... okie i tink i betta stop all tis i sound so bimbo-ee!!!! eeks.. yucky. but not pretty liao (haiz... sori la.. realli can't help it :p)

i miss my parents leh... maybe i shd move into their rm n slp for tonite. slp wif them.... haha.... (betta nt try anything funni) ltr kena whacked by my papa.... haha... trying to figure out tis scenario where i try to sneak into their rm to slp now.... ahhahaha hahhahahahah

tink i crazy liao..... gen jus came online. kinda miss her leh.. wonders if she feels so.

i miss everyone now.. watz wif me??? tink i am tired.. betta go slp b4 i go bonkers.

- posted by lydia @ Saturday, March 20, 2004

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hmm.. wasn;t in gd mood today either. emotionally a bit unsatble. cried.. quite a bit i guess. n SING a lot to myself ... n all thx to my great fren... be my audience for the whole half hour listening to mine realli awful voice. i tink i sound like a frog croaking... thz man. realli nan wei ni le Ryan. feel betta nw.. at least let out sum duno wat feelings.. duno hw to describe!!

tmr my prof grp cuming my house... gona cook for them!!! haha.. hopefully it wun turn out bad. see if any of them will leave their comments here. guess gona whip up some dishes simple ones....

ya also my parents gona fishing tmr... n noe WAT??? my bro gona go wif them n that means i am all ALONE. so sad rite.... all becuz of projects datelines.

listening to a slow song now... so soothing!!! so shiok.. hahha

- posted by lydia @ Saturday, March 20, 2004

Friday, March 19, 2004 Â Â Â Â Â

my parents gona go kelong tis weekend... hw i wish i can join them n i jus disappear dere like tat w/o telling anyone or probably jus tell him at the last min. how do u tink he will react???? i guess probably he WUN care... stupid idiot still pissed wif him... wtf

- posted by lydia @ Friday, March 19, 2004

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haiz.. jus came back from the airport. saw his mum who was away for a period of time. din realli enjoyed myself. though as i said i missed him n stuff, bt was kinda like a sandbag for him to vent his foul mood on. realli angry n pissed. i mean it's nt d rite way lor if he expect others not to do tt to him. dun he understand do unto others wat u wan others to do unto u??? well... anyway gt my point thru to him n i hope it gets into his head. din gt to tell him face 2 face cuz he brushes me off when i tok abt it n well.. his frens r dere. so c... no choice. nid to gif him face. din realli tok either.

ya.. i went for a "spin" around tampines, around the airport over at the changi side b4 reaching d airport cuz wrong turns been made all d time.

duno la... jus not in a gd mood now. feelin sore over how i was treated.. unhappy *not jealous over sum ger who gt his no frm ne of his fren n d ger n him haf bin conversing. though he say nuthing to worry abt.. but u noe.. hmmm jus uncomfortable!!! den also feel kinda stressed over school work n many other persnal stuff. feel so stuffed in me cuz everything is packed into me... gona break dwn i tink... jus feel like crying nw.

everyone is bz nw... feel so neglected esp by "him" n sumone (he shd noe whu he is)... no nid be guilty over tis i mean if sumone dun bother i wun b surprised if u gt no time for me too..

feelin so paranoid now. so bad mood.. sianz.. later slp sure gt nightmare... well at least i tink the oni thing to happy is that my cough is getting betta. feel like screaming now.. or maybe cry will be betta. my dad jus went out to catch fish i tink... regret nv ask him bring me along. miss the sea breeze......

Arghhhhhhhh... nvm i tink i will jus stop here. duno wat to say oredi too.... (^_^')

- posted by lydia @ Friday, March 19, 2004

Thursday, March 18, 2004 Â Â Â Â Â

hey tonite feels different from other nites.. somehow i feel kinda peaceful n loved. dun ask me y!!! i realli duno... maybe da ambience in my rm?? i'm alone in my room facing the computer wif my tired eyes, winamp playing "Unchained Melody" .... hmmm.

i jus wana enjoy tis moment *enjoying. never felt like tis for a long time le.. tt day while i was walking to the lab in school i felt tis "loved" feeling. i miss it so much. feel very happy and it definitely brightens up my day sumhow even if it had been bad esp wif me being super duper sick :(

mostly late nites r lonely n awful... esp if u feel lonely as well. but toniye i dun...

i miss "him"... duno y?? feel like seeing him and gt sudden urge to fly now to his house n jus peep at him (*hmm... dun gt me wrong hor.. i'm no peeping tom lo...) onli watch him slp like a log. *hmmm... i noe la u all sure say i mushy one but sumtime it's jus like tt u will jus haf d urge to see sumone suddenly even if it's jus a peep.

wat a wonderful nite.. gona enjoy tis feeling .... hope i will get sweet dreams like i had tis sweetest nite tonite!!!

nitez all.. haf d sweetest dreamz too in ur own special way tt u wanted it to b......

- posted by lydia @ Thursday, March 18, 2004

Sunday, March 14, 2004 Â Â Â Â Â

one week exactly since i last blog.. :P well nw gt nuthing to do so muz as well blog. hmmm.. i gt a bad week i guess i will describe it as. nuthing realli eventful tis week.. lotsa school work n presentation. jus finali realised that time flies n d term cuming to an end.. feel stressed cuz a lot of work not done.

but d worst thing of the week is that i haf FALLEN super duper sick. it started wif a minor sore throat to a very very bad one that u will not even wana swallow anything... not even water!!! den cough n flu sets in n an occasional fever. so sad .. gt realli bad nitez.. and today the cough gets realli tt bad tt i din even slp well. will jus wake up in d middle of d nite n cough.. admit it's kinda noisy thoug. so poor dad n mama whose rm next to mine.

ya.. mus thank Ryan. thz so much for helping me buy the AAA batteries. thank u thank u.. u r best man!!!!! must realli say that he is a real gd fren man.. raining summore help me... tis kind of fren where to find not like "Him"
not interested in wat i do. so irritating.. shower attention on other ppl most prob d opposite sex more den me (*sulk sulk)... not onli tt laugh at me when i blogging. dun even bother.. so rude rite? still wana delete.. u all say la... if i jealous of other ppl fair a not?

- posted by lydia @ Sunday, March 14, 2004

Monday, March 08, 2004 Â Â Â Â Â

argh... i'm peeling very badly.. even my legs are peeling. it's so irritating!!! went lynn's house to do proj den went for a dip in d pool n sauna. wah.... shiok. realli enjoyed. den ltr went simpang eat prata wif nad, pearl n angie... n noe wat? we realised tt dere's family alonmg tt street tt rears rabbits for leisure n haf up to 40 of em n when the rebbits grow up, dey killed em n EAT em. it's so CRUEL.... yucks. spoil appetite. ha.... den we went to angie's house for mahjong... realli enjoyed it!!!

my fone was low batt tt nite den called 'him' to check if we mtg n stuff.. den we kinda quarreled. bin quarrelin the whole week... i;m sick n tired. n i so pissed tt i showed on my nick on msn. din slp much cuz i slp at 4 after toking to Weilun.. thx to him i cooled off. special thx 2 him!!

woke up at 9 went for cofy den go my babysitter's house for lunch. wat a spread man.. guys she's a great cook n if she gt to open a restaurant.... den saw a short clip of her new born grandson. he's so cute.. oh goodness u can't imagine hw cute tis small little baby is. high forehead n watery eyes. duno how to describe d feeling....

den went to meet 'him' at bugis went to eat siam kitchen.. not too bad!! den went back to his house.. took my fav nap den argued over going to black... but in d end i went wif him. well .. whenever i go wif him to black n his frens realli feel odd out. maybe i wasn't feelin well d past few times. was feeling scared tt i will b left alone again n we will argue like last time. well.. i feel tt it's part of personal barrier too.. hmmm... not realli comfortable wif em .. so wat more abt dancing???

but guess wat.. it turned out a lot betta den i expected. his frenz... okie la... we tok. i mean usually onli a few will tok. but last nite.. seems diff. at least when i was alone dere i gt company. noe quite a few ppl. so quite enjoyable. but wat cums wif all tis cuming hm at 430 am is aches all over. i am tired but in a gd mood.

slpet till 3 today... guessed my parents r irritated (* dun wana care if dey din say much .... if nt sure kana nag) den went to eat wif 'him', came back help prepare dinner.. gt steamboat for dinner n lotsa soft drinks :) yeah n i cooked porridge myself.. nt too bad :p perhaps i will say "yum Yum!!!"

guess will pen off here.. see ya guys arnd yeah?? take care

p/s: oops.. jus rem haven completed sum of my work... wat a noti ger i am gona kena scold le :(

- posted by lydia @ Monday, March 08, 2004

Thursday, March 04, 2004 Â Â Â Â Â

sianz.. nt in a gd mood lately. feeling funni??? sensitive maybe? duno but seems like a depression though. sumtimes i wish i gt "someone's" ears so that he'll realli listen to me... all i needed was a listening ear and sum time from "him" bt yet i duno y it seems so difficult for this bf of mine to gif me all tis!! is it that demanding? if he realli gt da time 2 read my blog or if he ever.. i jus wan 2 say i feel so neglected. does he ever know? do i haf 2 go 2 da extent of putting tis note onto my blog n wish that he reads wat i was asking for tis few days.

- posted by lydia @ Thursday, March 04, 2004

Tuesday, March 02, 2004 Â Â Â Â Â

heyz seems like i'm blogging oni once a week.. haha :) sianz sch holidaez over. dun even feel tt i gt a break though. went 2 sch for meetings (eekss..... 3 days sia) but at least we'r moving on...

Den went out wif gen n ryan on thur. finally i am going out. look forward 2 c frenz nowadays duno y :( since duno when i keep feelin like tt.. sense of loss. anywae we went out.. had lunch at a kopitiam near our house but it dun even taste NICE.. haiz.. i wonder wat nice food r dere man.. den we went to town on bus 518.. hmmm roller coaster ride till all feel so unwell. den went to cineleisure for karaoke bt not open yet so in d end we went to d one at selegie. gen was nt feelin well.... sang for like abt 4 hrs.. no voice liao sound like a frog croaking :p hopefully i din torture gen n ryan wif my voice. tink it mus awful. den went walk walk wif ryan since gen gt ride hm frm her fren (*jealous... hint hint) Raymond ask me out on fri nite after he book out.. haven answer him till fri.

ah ha.. fri come liao. agreed 2 go for a play by ntu hall 3, their production though. "Single" is the play.. not 2 bad actualli but not a lot of audience. it's abt 2 hrs plus. hmmm... bt too bad woke up late den oso having headache den dun realli feel well. Weilun walked me hm from tampines east cc where d play is held. din eat dinner wif him.... a bit guilty. Den waitied for my pa n ma to da pao food bt they nt bk so went out wif Raymond. met him den realised he CHANGE bike. very nice leh.. black colour one sia. stunning lorz..
den gt onto his bike not knowing where we r heading too... but b4 tt realise i din bring along jacket ( gona freeze 2 death) but sweet Raymond brought a jacket.. so sweet!!!!!! nearly fly off the bike while he riding.. haha tink i too light liao. maybe time to put on weight.

Well.. anyway went to Cineleisure for a movie.. watch Beyong Borders. a nice n touching movie. not 2 bad.. den went to east coast enjoy d sea breeze.. nice moment n realli enjoyed it. d serenity.. so peaceful den i hungry went Simpang for prata. though my head still aches but all tis made me better but i felt bad cuz Raymond din gt much slp cuz he nids to b at Sentosa at 650 n i oni reach hm at 5 am... woah

din do much on sat though.. wash all my clothes clean my room n it feels so clean heez... den went dinner wif my family at MArina... nt too enjoyable though gt so pissed wif my bro..

met him on sun den slack at his house. he drove arnd d neighbourhood n quite thrilling though but very dangerous den his fren joined us den his fren drove us back to my house. another exciting ride.. n tt ends my weekend, my holidays :(

- posted by lydia @ Tuesday, March 02, 2004