lydia's world...

Friday, June 25, 2004 Â Â Â Â Â

hey peeps, i'm @ work but realli felt so bothered that i jus can't helped bt vent it sumwhere where i can feel so free to talk about it.

i am jus turning into a noone to someone... jus a nobody. things move on.. life moves on with or without him. key to freedom is in my hands.. i realli dunno whether shd i jus let it end here... at this point in time.

i am crying deep inside.. so hurt that i feel nuthing. numb.. jus wana bury myself in work, in everything. so tt i am nt even free to think... will someone out dere tell me tt i am nt alone. tell me tt i can walk out.. walk out d own misery i created for myself. tell me tt it take jus a little bravery. tell me it's painful but it will just b a short short while....

i am so tired... of everything.. jus wana give up in life... nuthing seems worth animore. i miss all my frenz.. d times we spent together.. d joy... d fun.. i nv forget.

- posted by lydia @ Friday, June 25, 2004

Monday, June 21, 2004 Â Â Â Â Â

another day.. gloomy day. jus feel down. duno how to put into words once again.. losing faith in myself n him, our relationship. tired of work, family probs... jus tired of d stressful lifestyle. tired tired tired!!!!!!

no confidence nuthing... so unlike me. feel so empty so funni... miss a lot of things. luv hurts.. it does.

feel sick... feel like slping away every single unhappiness....

- posted by lydia @ Monday, June 21, 2004

Sunday, June 20, 2004 Â Â Â Â Â

hey i m jus feelin down down down n down. dun ask wat happen cuz i duno hw to put into words.. trying my best to put it into words. depressed n more depressed. feeling more n more negative...

smile?? seem to lost tat a while ago.. yup. tt's it. squabbled? made my heart turns 360 degress upside down. y n y ... i dun wana b heartbroken once again.. y? can sum one tell me y? am i jus giving more till i jus can't let go... isit jus time to move on?

sad lydia... tearing nw... ciaoz

- posted by lydia @ Sunday, June 20, 2004

Monday, June 07, 2004 Â Â Â Â Â

quite a bit to update though.. anyway jus let me grumble a bit... cuz i prob break down soon.

mon, 7 jun
this was my tots... jus abt to tink abt quitting from my job.. sumtimes i jus joke joke but sumtimes i realli feel like leaving. prob dere's so much temptations outside or jus simply hoping for better pay, environment n blah blah blah... wateva.. maybe it's jus PMS but i am pretty sure i am not.

jus realli felt like hmmmm.... argh.. 4gt it.. tok ltr. tink i gona get off work realli earli today. jus can't bear to stay in office le. hopefully i can get off early.. anyway.. i din realli get off tat early. left office at 8 pm, worked overtime for more than 2 hrs. everything is screwed up, highly stressed too.

it jus simply feels like i am less capable.. well i guess people c each individual differently but i realli feel incompetent.. *low morale mood. tt's y...

tue & wed (8 & 9)
hey people.. know wat 9 of us stayed overnight in d office trying to clear up some shit. all night.. realli can go for Prettitest Panda pageant. i prob get first.. haha... well.. i did go home onli on the wed morn 6 plus n slept till 10 and get myself back to office.

feel helpless... trying to help as much as possible but sometimes things just dun get right u know.. poor manager of mine who's pregnant stayed up all night n day to clear up d mess but it was... haiz... everyone's cursing and swearing but tt's when u have unreasonable clients. simply.. argh intolerable.

oredi lost track of time since i stayed overnight.. din feel anything and always gt shocked to see the time cuz i always tot it was still early but probably in reality it is already very late. did a lot of tallying till my eyes gona drop out liao... haha... everyone know that we stayed overnight.. so sian.. everyone look so tired..blah blah..

sad mood running in d office.. erm den CEO make all of us go home as early as 8 plus but din went off till 11 plus. worse thing is din gt to realli slp.. it's jus like u've been stretched to d limit till u wun wana sleep cuz u r so awake.

9 Jun
Yet again i am back in d office, doing things that are none of my priority but helping my project team. oh dear.. my work is piling up but ... doing tallying AGAIN.. just dun understand y is dere a need for so many reports and each is so long and tedious.. and hw to even complete it in short period like half hour. it's jus so ridculous..

ya... my ma was saying y all work till so late.. surprised tat she din scold but out of concern she asked. explained to her n i actualli complained to my mum... ivan says onli pay u like tt summore no overtime worked so hard till no go home for wat.. but i realli gt no choice.

hey wait.. i typed n typed den now i realised i tink i gt my dates wrong. can't rem when i stayed till overnight. o.. gt it. stayed overnight on wed nite. tue nite i onli went back at 2 am. so sad n so no life man... feeling unbalanced. missed home .. i realli do... so it was 9 jun tt i gt to go home at 11pm which is early. well.. cuz if all of us stayed on.. we'll collapse. sumhow realli everyone very down n stressed.

10 jun
back back in d office.. supposed to reach office at 8 plus n i woke up late. took cab to work n it cost 13 bucks.. but haiz.. realli very tired leh.. jus spare me. been taking cab home. nvm... anyway did a lot of tallying again...

went home at 4am, kena chased home cuz i nid to report at RCCC at 830, stationed at d secretariat.. n i woke up late... rushed dwn.. took cab but can claim tis time round. n here i am at d RCCC alone for d last hour or two den decided to blog... no one here other than one part timer d rest all in office still doing n preparing.

now one plus, haven eat breakfast, lunch ect. haven bin realli eating n haven bin eating at regular timings... nv drink water also. tink i can be thin thin bamboo le...

sianz.. whole weekend burned. dear oso no free.. tmr father's day. haven buy anithing for my papa.. can't celebrate also.. mother's day nt around den nw father's day oso. nvm.. make it next week,, on d 21. their birthday. yes.. their birthday. they share the same birthday as my aunt too.. n i found out one thing which is my CEO also share the same birthday too... how coincidental!!!

haiz... update soon!

ppl take care! i realli hope to c ya guys soon n i hope i will be well n sound like wat i was.. hopefulli. *prays hard. gtg liao.. cuz nid to do my stuff.. or not later ppl cum c me blog sure kena one nice one man.

- posted by lydia @ Monday, June 07, 2004

Sunday, June 06, 2004 Â Â Â Â Â

finalli settled dwn though still gt work to do bt no choice nid to help each other... work till midnight on thurs.. nw i like panda. went bk to work today too.. do filing den gt power failure so went off early. stressed out bt at least i noe i am enjoying my job.

well.. finalli went to look at mama's office.. wow let me tell u more. it's realli big n it's so high tech so comfy also. realli gt staff benefit lo.. nice pantry wif wonderful view. n nt forgetting realli many diff rms for diff uses.. realli very impressive.

miss dear though i meeting him a few hours.. oops.. haha... absence makes d heart fonder though.. cuz wun b able to meet him for at least 2 weeks from nw cuz i bz n he bz. well.. gd n bad wateva it is.. jus love him like i did when i first fell in luv wif him... was jus tinking of it. tt day Vesak day i met him, supposed to watch movie bt din cuz tired n his mama wants us backf or dinner. so go back his house.. fell asleep in his arms while he watch tv. feel so nice, warm at heart. d feeling was once so familiar n for tat moment when it came back it's realli .... den eat dinner together n watch tv again.. planned to take train back but lazy me dun wan, whined den dear say sponsor half cab fare.. heez so sweet.

went to shop around bt din buy anything other than necessities.. sianz.. gt one whole list to buy bt yet nuthing tt i like. prob look around first ba.. tried many shoes either nt value for money if nt jus nt sure if i wana buy tt shoe.

i'm starting to feel lonely again.. haiz.. jus hate it. miss my mama's smile too.. miss snuggling wif her. cuz i been hm late.. din gt to c her.. went breakfast wif her 2day... jus luv her.. jus wana tell her tat bt din.

gona gt my papa a shirt for father's day.. can't celebrate cuz nid to work. hope he will like.. parents' birthday also.. nid to plan. hope whole family can enjoy together..

- posted by lydia @ Sunday, June 06, 2004

Tuesday, June 01, 2004 Â Â Â Â Â

hmmm.. on a holiday eve nite still in da office.. almost everyone left already. sum went together for a small outing... haha.. me n liyan gona go library. decided to borrow books from d library instead of renting... (*budget) cuz no $$ or rather wana use it to buy other stuff. goning orchard.. probably b leaving office in ten mins time (*grins) gona get myself a pair of heels.. heez noe u guys sure say i spend money again but i tot when one start works he or she always got lotsa things to buy? so me also same same.

well... tmr's holiday so i gona PIG out topnite since i haven been realli happy. tink if no one meets me i will jus stay home n enjoy da books. stay in d world of fantasies..

seem to b missing sumthing but duno wat.. anyway nvm figure tt out sumday. k la.. gtg. blog again soon. happy Vesak Day!!! :)

- posted by lydia @ Tuesday, June 01, 2004